<![CDATA[Corvallis H3 - Home]]>Mon, 14 Mar 2016 04:00:12 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[2016 Corvallis Red Dress Rehash]]>Sun, 13 Mar 2016 22:36:39 GMThttp://www.corvallish3.com/home/2016-corvallis-red-dress-rehashFirst, a few descriptors of our dress-ers in red: slutty (Banned from the Zoo), romantic (Wiffle), tropical (One Solid Dick, Just Kyle), classic (Eggnog), definitely not red (Cockbroker) and definitely not a dress (Just Wes, Assbag… because rompers don’t count).

A short and sweet circle-jerk and our 30-some hashers, the greatest attendance Corvallis has ever seen for it’s annual Red Dress event, dashed dashingly down the streets. We serenaded our bartenders and bystanders for far too long at the first beer check at Harrison’s. Then half of us managed a minor derail, due to one misleading check, before all back at the next check.
After our hares had already offended some old ladies at the next bar--because apparently our men in dresses were some kind of “mockery”--Just Wes turned up the tension with his controversial contributions to Yogi Bear, top-lunging verses of cervix tears and abortions via stairs. We laughed off all awkward silences most gayly.

Next stop was Squirrels, where we stood way too close for comfort, sweating off dem nuts and messing up a few rounds of pool. This time the old ladies gazed and giggled, requesting pictures with our men in red. Another tender serenade and off again for our last bar hop before the final event... when on the way, one of Just Kyle’s supervisors yelled from some shadowy street corner that maybe he should wear something else to work tomorrow. Cue shame sprinting, hysterics and one foreshadowed offense.

The gracious lads at Oregon Trail gave us a quick brews cruise and tasters of their delicious dark sour. We cleared the floor for another long circle, Eugeners shouting out many offenses. Bday boy, Banned FTZ deep-throated one hellish concoction from el vessel de sacredness, then Oregon Trail’s owner/brewmaster/some dude in charge took center and beastily chugged. What began as a mediocre hoorah burst into buffoonish hoots of victory.

On-on to the Peacock, and upstairs to the sultry heaven of red-dressed men and women, like coming home after a long, sweaty street pounding. Cue what some might call dancing. Hey, everyone commend Cockbroker on her peppy 90’s cheerleader moves. I’ve never seen so many successive airborne splits on a dance floor. Also, my apologies to anyone I told to try and punch me so I could put them in a hold. Blame Eggnog. Oh, and best red-dressed goes to Pole Whacker, joining us on-after, in her hellsa authentic Kimono-type apparel.

Anyways, I can honestly say that was the best time I ever had in a red dress. So thanks, hares. You’re the shittiest.

Numerous Arousals

<![CDATA[One Solid Pole Whacker's Return to Sanity Rehash]]>Mon, 22 Feb 2016 01:28:47 GMThttp://www.corvallish3.com/home/one-solid-pole-whackers-return-to-sanity-rehashHash #135 saw the second cumming of Pole Whacker, back and haring better than ever alongside One Solid Dick. Also gracing our kennel was a Eugener duo (with dog), a bimbo named Tequila something [Editor's Note: Tequila Cocking Bird] and a dude for who I draw a blank. Apologies, dude.
We started our shenanigans off ambitiously, slugging craft brews and learning new Chalk Talk at circle. Pole Whacker and One Solid Dick introduced us to an ass slapping symbol, which freezes all hashers until dem asses slapped, and an “S” for “sex” (I know, real creative), having us fake-fuck each other on the spot. The moans and thrusts were a real plus. Lucky for us, bashers, Banned from the Zoo and Blue Butt Plug, went scouting trail ahead of the pack. Except somehow we lost scent of Banned--probably slipped off for a dog house quickie--until the first Beer Check, where we sang the longest round of Yogi Bear ever, with some real colorful additions thanks to Just Wes. For example, “Cindy got an abortion. Pusher, pusher. Cindy got an abortion. Push her down the stairs!” Rich stuff.
For a residential trail, I was surprised by all the parks and marshes, and that crop field lined in giant holes, all soaking, swallowing, and straight fucking our feet. Mmm, foot fucks. The sky stayed dry and the stars were ever-distracting, the whole Milky Way unveiled. (I tried to think of a sexy “Milky Way” joke but my brain being stoopid.)

Thanks to an ungodly amount of clothes swaps, few people finished in what they started. Namron (FRB for the day) finished in my leggings, despite the ever-so-snug fit cramping his finesse. Did you know we have the same legs? Seriously, if not for the bulge, our bottom halves would be indiscernible.

New songs were passed along via Eugeners during Circle, interrupted by a pizza boy, who, instead of being fearsome of our cultish band of cross-dressers, expressed interest in joining. So of course, we barked him back in manic unison, and harassed him with hash-esque questions. Poor pizza boy. I do hope he cums back to us. On-after continued at the Hash House of Banned from the Zoo, One Solid Dick, Stuff my Muffin and Cockbroker, where we all got disastrously drunk and attempted headstands. Well, some of us.

Now go fondly fuck yourselves,
Numerous Arousals

<![CDATA[Slasher in the Woods Rehash]]>Tue, 09 Feb 2016 03:42:53 GMThttp://www.corvallish3.com/home/slasher-in-the-woods-rehashAs co-hair of this abysmal hash, I had premonitions of things going awry. Since the pink tape we laid to mark true trail was almost identical to tape from some forester fucks. Add the dark, and the difference was almost indiscernible. The skies were pissing, and, surely, everyone’s nips stood at attention.
Hash time, as we all know, is a fickle beast. And our on-off was severely postponed when our very own RA was bite by it. (Way to go, Wiffle.) To be sure no hashers were slashed or stranded, and the hares committed blasphemy by joining the hounds. Apparently this proved useless, seeing as one hare (shh, it was me) and a half pack got hopelessly lost, following that doppleganger tape. Also due to my miserable tracker skills.

We knew we were DOT (Dead on Trail) at the last strand of false tape, the usual front-runners running wild and confused in the distance. So, what should have been a short trail (only 4 miles) turned into a long, hard night of search and rescue. Shitty. Shitty, shitty, shitty. Packs rejoined and slanderously rejoiced at the last Beer Check, which had become a mobile BC by that point. After demolishing our thirst, we booked it for the finish line. As for circle, I don’t recall a thing, except Wiffle’s bat cumming hard on my face. In closing, I can confidently say my first hare experience was a real bust. Thanks, Assbag. You’re a real bag of ass.

Until next hash,
Numerous Arousals

[Editor's Note: The co-hare willing accepts all complements and would gladly lead everyone through darkness, desolation, isolation, dampness, and shiggy all over again.]
<![CDATA[One Solid Pole Whacker's Return to Sanity Hash (#135)]]>Tue, 02 Feb 2016 01:20:16 GMThttp://www.corvallish3.com/home/one-solid-pole-whackers-return-to-sanity-hash-135Date/Time: Friday, February 12, 2016 at 5:30pm

Since everyone (or at least the survivors) thought the last trail was SUUUUUPER shitty (in all the best ways possible), this trail will be a complete 180. Expect some pavement pounding, about 6 miles, and many more checks to keep them racists and bashers in check. So if you are feeling a bit injured (looking at you BBP...) get on yer bike and take it easy!

The hares will be One Solid Dick and Pole Whacker. And direct from the whorses mouth cums the following instructions:

Since start/finish will be at mi casa (Bluestem Palace), and we loooooove having ya bimbos and wankers, AND I'm a lazy sack of shit, On-after will be at our place! So yes there will be circle beer, but if you want more than Piss Bucket Refreshments (PBRs), that's on you to bring.

Details are available on CalendarFacebookMeetup, and the Oregon Hash CalendarPlease RSVP on Meetup.

<![CDATA[2016 Corvallis Red Dress Hash & Party]]>Mon, 01 Feb 2016 06:36:13 GMThttp://www.corvallish3.com/home/2016-corvallis-red-dress-hash-party
This is the official announcement for Corvallis Hash House Harriers and visitors to our Facebook group. Both the Red Dress Hash and the Red Dress Party will be on Friday, February 19, 2016.

As in past years, the Sick Town Derby Dames are hosting the Red Dress Party as part of their fundraising to rebuild their roller rink. Their event is being sponsored by 2 Towns Ciderhouse and Mazama Brewing. The venue for this year's party is the Peacock Bar & Grill.

Prices will be $20 for both Hash and Party (or $10 for the Hash only).
Further information available on Calendar, Facebook, Meetup and Oregon Hash Calendar. Registration for Hash & Party is available on Meetup.